• Cute boy in class: can I have a piece of paper?
  • Me: sure *hands him a marriage certificate*

billhitchert:

man this has been the worst life of my life

(Source: billhitchert)

arrogantdad:

my mom told me that in high school she use to get boyfriends at the beginning of February so they had enough time to get her a valentines day gift and then break up with them the day after and just keep the gift and one day she told her parents about it and they made her keep her boyfriend at least until the end of February and so she did and that boy is now my dad

  • parents: you need to go out more
  • parents: you need to exercise more
  • parents: YOU'RE GOING OUT FOR A WALK??? YOU?????
  • parents: HAHAHA WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU???
  • parents: why are you getting angry

weavemunchers:

my worst fear is laughing at a joke I don’t understand and having someone ask me to explain it

sigoynerblod:

OH MY GOD BABY WEASELS

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THEYRE SO CUTE AND TINY WHAT THE HECK

(Source: scumstains)

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